Bread

Bittercress

Today was brought to me by the letter A: anxiety. I can trace back to the triggering moment during the workday when I felt like I had taken on more responsibility for something than was called for. I blamed myself that important updates to our website had not been made, which seemed to be causing an issue for my supervisor. In times of stress, I want everything to be perfect. I want control. A few chat messages from my supervisor about the situation followed by what I perceived to be radio silence on her end after I asked what I could do sent me spiraling into the abyss of worst-case scenarios.

During a stress response like this one, it's even difficult to put cogent thoughts together. All of my wires cross. Tasks I can normally perform with ease become arduous. For example, I walked at lunch and saw these tiny, wiry flowers poking out of the grass. They're pretty common in yards in spring. It took me 20 minutes to remember what they were: bittercresses. Such a little thing causing me such huge stress. Pandemic days have challenged my coping skills, but I knew I had one non-pharmacological intervention to which to look forward after work: fresh bread.

Easiest Beer Bread Ever! Yuengling Black & Tan all the way.

A friend shared a recipe for "the easiest beer bread ever" on her Facebook page. I'm usually skeptical of hyperbole, but when I opened the recipe, it seemed easy enough and without any weird steps or ingredients. What's not to love about a recipe that says to make sure you pour all of the butter over the dough before placing it in the oven? Beer is second to butter in my world. It came out perfectly and complemented the butternut squash and black bean chili I had made.

Bread is life, really. Taking comfort in a warm, homemade loaf has been baked in our DNA since we humans discovered how to harness the power of flour, yeast, and heat. Sometimes when I am anxious, walking on the earth calms me down. Tonight, eating an elemental grain of the earth (with butter!) brought a bit of peace at the end of an internally chaotic day. I miss breaking bread with other people. I miss being able to cook so I can share it with others. I long for these days again, as I long for so many other things.